In My Mind's Eye

During one of my quiet times recently, the author of the devotional suggested imagining oneself in a variety of roles in the story of the paralytic man being lowered through a roof by friends, coming to rest before Jesus. This is what came to my mind’s eye when putting myself in the place of the paralyzed man.

I have never felt my vulnerability so acutely as I do in this moment. My disability and my desperation are on clear display in this terribly crowded place. A thousand thoughts dart through my mind in the space of seconds. What if He is annoyed by the interruption? What if He scolds me or my dear friends for daring to be so bold? What if He commands me to leave? How humiliating it would be to have strangers carry me out through a barely-large-enough opening made by the throng, no one wanting to cede their vantage point. What if he doesn’t really see ME, just views me as another broken body to be healed?

My companions take gentle care to keep me level as they use their strength of body and heart to lower me into the room. Dust from the ruptured rooftop spins in slow motion in the few rays of sun poking between the heads and shoulders of those already gathered here. A slight gasp meets my ears, then confused silence. I’m not the only one holding his breath. I come to rest on the dirt floor, right at His feet.

He bends down to look me in the face. It takes all the courage I can muster to lift my eyes to meet His, so uncertain am I of what I will see there. I am shocked. His gaze is one of complete compassion. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this deep love for an individual He has never met. It is so beautiful I begin to weep. All at once, I sense His holiness and feel my own unworthiness so keenly. Then, in a voice meant just for me, but loud enough for others to hear, He makes a remarkable statement. “Your sins are forgiven.” Now I am undone. Not only has He truly seen me at the deepest level, but He has extended a grace I could never have dreamed.

As I am overcome by emotion, I am only vaguely aware His attention has shifted to others in the group. Some seem outraged by His gift of grace. I have no time to process what is being said before He turns His gaze back to me. “Take your bed and get up”. It takes a few moments for me to grasp what He is commanding, but once I really hear the words, there is a fundamental transformation within my body that matches the degree of change in my soul. I slowly but confidently make my way to my feet, bend over to collect my mat, and proceed to exit through the wide path the crowd has created for me.

I collapse into the excited embrace of my friends, who have scurried down from the roof to rejoice with me. We are all forever changed.